On Endless Hunger, Part 1

Like a lot of women, I fluctuate in my struggle with eating too much as a normal, non-pregnant person. In non-pregnancy, I have a full, cognitive understanding that maintaining a healthy weight, stamina and muscle tone is essential, and I try to keep the cumulative result of overindulgence at bay through regular exercise and balanced diet. I've worked very hard to to cultivate the discipline required to keep up a decent regimen. For the most part, I've been successful. Even still, the balance has been known to shift towards laziness and non-healthful eating on its own. And then I get back on track. And then comes pregnancy to add its share of boat-rocking.

I was pretty nauseous during the second half of my first trimester, and eating seemed to help. So I ate through it, and ended up gaining a lot of weight in those first couple of months, which was pretty alarming. On top of it, I've read that you're supposed to gain the most weight in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. But I'm hungry! And doomed! The numbers on the scale keep going up!

Being pregnant is tiring (I recently read that a pregnant woman's body is as active at rest as a person engaging in mountain climbing). Because you're tired, you exercise less. Exercising helps curb appetite. So less activity plus an unchecked appetite results in spiraling lethargy, continuing the pattern. And this isn't just ANY unchecked appetite-- it's this endless hunger that comes and goes, but mostly comes. It has a mind of its own (the control center for which is located in my belly), and it's relentless.

I've had a lot of varying and conflicting thoughts on all of this-- it has always been a struggle, after all-- the fact is, my body gains weight more readily than it loses weight. In my response to that there's resistance and nervousness about being able to get back in shape, particularly in the face of what you read and what society and people ominously tell you. On the other hand there's a resignation and a stubborn unwillingness to beat myself up over something that is natural-- of course I'll lose the weight and regain my previous level of fitness. Ultimately it's the balance I'm after-- the goal of achieving optimal weight gain to support the growing little bean while keeping the excesses in check.